3 AM

3am, like clockwork.

Nicotine stains, ruffled sheets and desires.

The silken veil drapes around misread memories.

The breath in my ear, the soft growl of an unsaid soliloquy.

•

Lovelets, left to trace my bones.

Trinkets of lost moments, unfurled into my skin.

Life drawn through parted lips,

Whispering names, faded, a symphony.

•

Hushed amour, a forbidden indulgence.

Stealing unwritten stories, from diamond lined eyes.

Tresses for miles, an invisible line,

Evanescence, yearning, the only ardour.

•

Moonshine, on my tongue.

Intoxication, the redolance at your neck.

Naked remnants of strings unplayed,

Anticipation, a thirst for rancour.

•

Exist tonight, trace me down.

Disappear, like petrichor, a mythical night.

Waking up, with mere words for souvenirs,

I pen you in, azure ink and dreams denied.

•

Nostalgia.

Nostalgia is a bitch they say. I never understood what that meant until we stopped being who we were and became who we are right now. We are still us, the same people alright. But it doesn’t feel like the times are the same, obviously because things changed. But what things? Because I don’t remember there ever being a ‘thing’. Well, not anything that we acknowledged of course. You know what’s weird though, that nostalgia hits every single night, every damn sundown. And yeah, it does hurt like a bitch.

Remember the little game the PE teacher made us play back in school where we had to take a step forward for every ‘Yes’ to his questions? Yeah, I think that was our game. The only difference being that we weren’t in the same line like back in the day, we were at opposite ends of the court. We asked the questions, we answered the questions and we took the steps too. I guess I just didn’t realise the moment when I stopped asking them and just stayed in the game for you, but apparently you played by the rules only skipping the one that said you couldn’t skip mine.

Of course I do not understand, I never do to be honest. It’s funny, it doesn’t even make me mad anymore. I wasn’t even surprised when I realised I was halfway past the court by the time I saw that I had no audience, not even you. The game had ended, just like that, broken rules and well not broken but a slightly dented heart. So what are the rules now? Because I never made them, I only played to your tune. I told you I do not like games, half because I do not understand them and the other obvious half being that I somehow always lose.

I remember watching the sun go down together, swaying legs and beating hearts, we were never great talkers. Contrary to Harry’s beliefs, comfortable silence is so not over-rated. I liked the quiet with you, I liked that you just held my hand and didn’t kiss me when the sun went down. Kisses really weren’t our thing either, we were weird that way. Kindred spirits I called us, because we definitely weren’t soulmates. You didn’t understand my words, you said they weren’t made for you but you know what you said after though? You said you only listened to them because maybe I was made for you. You fucking bastard, always with the charm.

I’m still smiling writing this, I’m not mad and that kind of makes me mad if it makes any sense. I thought you meant something to me, that I owed you that sense of  togetherness. But turns out that I couldn’t have been more mistaken, you were okay on your own. You weren’t going to be my next charity case, and I definitely didn’t need one since I wished I could be someone’s myself. Even the thought of you makes me restless, only because I thought I’d let myself go again. I’m so glad I stayed sane, and I’m so glad you were way above my usual crazy dominoes. I call them dominoes because they always end up face down, never disappoint – not once.

I don’t think it’s you that I miss, I think it’s the way it felt to have what we had. I don’t know how it feels to you, specially with changed priorities but I feel a sense of emptiness. There is a space. Don’t get me wrong though, it isn’t uncomfortable or anything, it’s just very noticeable. My brain isn’t empty at the end of the day anymore, so many thoughts, so many many words. It’s hard to fall asleep knowing that you wouldn’t hold me for the same reasons, even if you did it would probably be because you were just too scared of a cold bed. It feels weird knowing that I’m probably not the last person you talk to anymore, definitely not the first person for sure.

You told me you had never been happier, I told you that it scared the hell out of me. You told me that you needed this, I told you that all I wanted to do was run away. You told me that I felt like home, I told you that it felt like a fucking storm. The day you knocked on my door at 3am, asking me if everything was alright; I swear to God I felt everything come crashing down. The irony of it all, our god-damned hearts. I hate your flannel shirts, I hate your stupid blue beads and I hate your stupid hugs that I never could resist. And you know what else I hate? I hate how you made me feel.

I let you in right at the time that you walked me out, I didn’t know and neither did you. I guess I lost my charm the day I held your hand before you held mine, you see, that was so not me and obviously you noticed. I watched you from across the table, smiling and talking just the same but your eyes wandered. It wasn’t other girls that caught your eye, it was just another life; a different future. You didn’t ask me if I’d written anything in my book anymore, you didn’t even tell me if you wrote anything in yours. I didn’t need to tell you the words that heartened me that day or the next or another, because I knew you didn’t care.

I’m not saying that you didn’t care about me anymore, because of course you did and you showed it too. You just didn’t care about us, the idea of us that you had planted yourself. You made extra effort, you brought home cake every Thursday, you tried almost too hard. The fact that even now I can’t just write a sentence and be done with it without going into an elaborate explanation just so you don’t misunderstand says a lot I think. We were never meant to be, just two lonely souls clinging to one another till the phase passed. It’s unfortunate though that yours passed sooner, and I’m still here trying to grab onto whatever little of it is left.

But you know what the hardest part of it all is? That it was all for nothing. My days are the same, actually better but the nights are just a little too long. You’re being so brave and pushing away, and you’re doing such a great job at it that’s it’s almost impossibly perfect. It’s not my Skype that rings when something is going on anymore, it’s just the door to your room that closes behind you. I still need to talk to you though, you don’t realize that and even if you do – you turn away. I don’t need you to be my wall, I need you to just let me be your shadow. I don’t need your cuddles anymore, because I sleep in your empty shirts these days.

You’ve let us slip too far, I let you do it but only after I tried clinging onto your shirt every damn night. But now I don’t feel the connection anymore either, honestly I’m starting to doubt if we ever even had one. Maybe all we had were your empty words, the castles you built in the air, making me its delusional princess. I am not going to give you peace by denying the hurt, I am not going to be a liar just because you thought it was okay to be one. I’m just going to let you go, just as easily as I let you in. That’s always been your specialty with me, hasn’t it? You get what you want, a little too easily. The room is empty once more, my bags are packed and unfortunately enough, so is my little heart.

Lullaby

I stirred in my sleep, feeling you move beside me, my hand instinctively moving to your chest to pat you back to sleep. You’ve always been a light sleeper, I was used to being pulled closer, to awake nuzzled into you on the complete opposite side of the bed and not even knowing. But I’ve always been glad that you’re that way, makes me feel safer or rather closer. I know I comfort you, sometimes I’m scared I’ll fail you, probably why I’m a little too protective. I always knew when something was off, even your tiny little moods. And probably why as soon as my fingers reached your skin, I knew this wasn’t usual.

I jolted awake, my eyes immediately trying to find focus in the dimly lit room. It must be early dawn, light was seeping in through our floral curtains. I could see your outline, your stuttering breaths, I heard a whimper escape your lips. My eyes crinkled instinctively as I pulled myself closer to you, pushing the sheets aside, my hands reaching for your face. I caught your face contorted in pain, my breath caught, my heart tightened at just the sight of you. Even in that moment, I couldn’t stop but marvel at your striking features – curled thick lashes, perfectly etched jaw line, full lips tilting up right at the corners – you even had some rough stubble just the way I liked it. I longed for your deep brown eyes, or maybe they were the color of molten ash, I always felt it depended on your moods. They were loving and brown when we were around people, when we were outside or when we were just doing random things – brown meant comfort to me, brown was the boy I cuddled into each morning while he glanced through the paper. But the dark tint that so evidently bore into me, it never mattered if we were at a party or just watching tv at home – it made my breath hitch, sending shivers down my spine in anticipation – well, that was an entirely different story. 

I immediately shook my head, chiding myself & trying to clear it off the most absurd train of thought that it had caught onto! How could i be so distracted! I put my arm above your head, my fingers brushing your hair out of your face and continuing to run along the length. My other hand caressing your face as I leaned down to kiss your forehead, my body instinctively wrapping around you as I tried to shush you out of your nightmare. I didn’t even know you’d nightmares, I’d never even considered it. You were so strong, so brave and so.. I don’t even know what to call it! I just never considered anything that could get to you. And here you were, shaking in my arms, pushing your face into my chest like you were hiding –  like you were hiding from something only I could save you from. My heart panicked at the thought, I knew I should wake you, that I should pull you out of this, that I should tell you that I was right here! But I was scared, I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t bring myself to waking you.

 
I watched you intently, looking for signs, searching you like I’d find my answers written on your skin. The fallen angel on your chest, my mouth went slack in wonder, as she looked to be stirring too. My hands unconsciously reaching for her, lacing along the meteor shower that traced her fall. I’ve always been intrigued by your ink, you always denied them having a story but I knew. I knew because everything about you held a story, and I was determined to unravel them all. You groaned as you whispered a little ‘no’, my movement immediately halting – I pulled back feeling guilty for something I hadn’t even done yet, like I was invading your bubble. You were such a mystery to me, so enthralling, no wonder everyone thought I was being silly and hopeless with you – which sometimes, I myself thought too. 

I pulled myself together, as I dipped my lips to your ear as my arms circled your broad shoulders. ‘Baby?’, I whispered uncertainly, ‘Honey, wake up’. It took me a few more whispers, kisses and some shaking to wake you out of it. You looked surprised, you looked at me like you didn’t even know me for a second there. I knew it was silly, but my heart wrenched, it hurt even though I knew it was fleeting. You picked yourself off the bed onto your elbows, all the muscles suddenly more defined along your torso, your hands automatically reaching to tuck my straying strands behind my ear, a habit that i was more than just accustomed to by now. I almost smiled at the look of concern on your face, your eyes probing mine for any trouble. You pulled me in, bringing your lips to my hair as you whispered, ‘Are you okay babe?’ And I could all but giggle at the situation! 

Here I was thinking I would save you from whatever it was that had troubled you in your sleep, and the moment you were awake – every cell in your body did the same for me. God, this boy! This boy would be the end of me. I smiled as I pulled you into me, remembering that you always said it was almost comical how I tried to fit all of the six foot tall you into me, like it was even possible! Maybe we would talk about it another time, maybe over breakfast if you ever let me out of bed to get to making it first, but not now. We were okay, just tangled up in each other, just us and the morning light.

My body relaxed as I heard you sigh contently against my neck, feeling your heart settle into a lazy beat, fully aware that you were falling back asleep like nothing had happened. I let a stupid grin plaster onto my face as I remembered all the thoughts that had run through my mind in the past 15 minutes. You awakened that in me, you made me so much more receptive and in touch with everything. I loved it that you did that, I loved it even more because I knew I did the same to you. We kept each other on the edge, fully aware that neither of us were letting go. Just a tiny little thing that I probably never noticed with any of my boyfriends before, that tiny little thing had led my mind into overdrive. 

I let myself melt into your chest, my legs locking into yours, trying to match my breath to yours. That had become my very own lullaby ever since the first time I fell asleep with you. I closed my eyes as I pulled in a long breath, reminding myself to etch your smell into memory. I felt myself drift away with you, to wherever you were taking me and not once did I harbour a doubt. Never even once, since I met you. 

My Dream Catcher.

I look back at the footprints I’ve left behind,
They’ve gotten stronger, harder, somehow more defined.
What were once dragging feet, crawling knees & a slumped body,
Now stand firm with another pair beside.

I remember pulling along so many anchors,
Anchors of iron, so heavy, hooked to my bones with heavier chains.
I was chased by a wolf, into darkness, into darker despair,
Only to be rescued by a dream, by a mesmerizing catcher!

I remember falling through you, falling right in,
A sigh of relief escaping my dry, scabbed lips.
The knowledge of having been rescued, ringing in my ears,
I looked back as cool breeze hit my burning bare back..

My dreamcatcher!

So inconspicuous, so pristine, so silent & still..
Just swaying in the wind, with all the metal lying just beyond..
It was hard to believe how perfectly I fit into you, letting all fall away, fall behind..
What had once seemed unreachable, I was lying now, right in its arms.

I fall asleep everyday, to the sound of your voice..
Your poetry that you trace onto my skin, curling designs with your fingers.
I pretend to be asleep sometimes, just to hear you say things you wouldn’t say otherwise,
To hear you say me, say my name, say my heart,
Realizing them to no more be mine, too far gone to ever come back.

I thought I’d never write a love song again, thought I’d protect myself from people who do..
But here I am, today, unable to stop, unable to hold it in anymore.
Because some things need to be written about,
Words just flowing, a desire to just write, write about you.

Dream-catchers catch dreams they said, keep you safe from all evil,
I was running away from a nightmare myself, only to be caught by you..
So was I the dream, & you my catcher?
Or were you the dream I was chasing all along?

Maybe I thought I was running away from another, running from an infinity,
Not knowing, not even a hint, that I was probably running right at you, right where I belong.
Call this fate, call this destiny, just like your poem said,
We’re only fated to do things that we always wanted.

Those hazel eyes, that awkward smile, you say I make your breath catch.
You’ve no idea how many beats a day my heart skips, how many fluttering butterflies.
You’ve written me many, read to me some, so here it is my love,
My ode to you, to me, to us.. To something far beyond!

P. S. As we always have inside stories, here is one too. 😉

From Cather & Levi, to Whiskey & Rye,
Cake & Casserole, Jack & Sally, all the way to diagon alley,
This is our riddle, like one of your silly old country songs,
Only we know what they mean, to everyone else mere mumble stringed along. 😉

Change.

Flaws are subjective, my love.

The statement rings true, each time I see you.

I find it inexplicable that you’ve been hurt, betrayed & trudged upon,
Just like everyone else, like every one of us.
How could someone so precious be a subject to such deviance?
Your smile defies any signs of struggle,
The glint in your eyes promising a million fantasies, gone & to come.

Rediscovering highways each time you whisk me away,
Leaning into your warmth when hit by the chill of the night,
Saying things I swore to never say ever again, pulling down walls I meant to never break again,
You’re pulling me out, pulling me apart, but surprisingly, I think I’m starting to prefer it this way.

I’m starting to listen to my old Playlist again, only revived by new memories that are inevitably being made.
There seems to be no guilt that I dreaded would come with any change,
It’s getting easier with each passing moment, to savour life for what it is than what I thought it would be like.

Coffee is stronger, stars shinier,
Nights are serene, & days just brighter.
Added colour to the dull, another accent to my already strange diction,
Superheroes & rappers, shared paper & ink, lyrics & doodles, lights & silk.

Like I’ve told you already, I make promises baby & I make them for keeps,
Let me stay dreamy, let me sing to you, let me write you things,
In return I’ll give you destiny, whatever is supposed to be,
Because baby, that’s the only promise that can be kept I believe.

So hear again when I tell you, flaws are subjective, my love.
I’ve learnt to see myself the way you do, & I think I’m falling for myself again or maybe I’m falling for you.

Blue Converse

I had reached the end of the book, my coffee was cold. I hated that typical feeling you get when something so amazing comes to an end, the feeling of knowing that it was over forever. There was no way I could relive how the book made me feel, no way to feel the rush of first-times. When I looked up to ask for a fresh brew, after placing the book aligned to the edge of the table as per habit, little did I know that it would be the beginning of something that books could never give me. 🙂

You walked in. The first thing that struck me – Blue Converse. It still remains to be the first thing that strikes me each time I see you, there is always something blue on you. 🙂

You were with a bunch of people, all happy and having an overtly animated conversation. You were somehow quieter, you were talking but there was just something placid about you. There was a soothing ‘something’, something that I couldn’t put my finger on. And it struck me, “The calm before the storm.” 🙂

Shruti called, I picked and I didn’t realise how long it had been. I looked longingly at my cup of coffee, mentally willing it to heat itself and frowned as I looked around for a waiter. I had forgotten you, entwined in the twisted world of besties. Someone placed a fresh brew in front of me, I looked up confused. The waiter just smiled a knowing smile and said, “Complimentary ma’am.” and pointed at your table. 🙂

Those were the first smiles we exchanged. You nodded, I did too. I didn’t realise when I cut Shruti’s call, maybe I never did, I still don’t really know. No sparks, no pixie dust, no violins, no cupid. It felt like a reunion, something found rather than created. You walked over. 🙂

The smile just refused to leave my face, you laughed when you reached my table, probably knowing that the same was happening to you too. It was husky, a boyish laugh – the kind that suddenly was my favourite thing in ages. Your friends were laughing in the background, calling names. I heard it for the first time, a name that I’d probably known forever. Or that was how it felt atleast. 🙂

Polite pleasantries exchanged, a compliment thrown at my cherry blush. You smelled familiar, you sounded familiar, everything about you was somehow ‘known’. It was but a conversation that probably lasted two minutes. You stood up and turned to leave, looked back after a step or two. You repeated my name, it slid like silk from your lips, like it was always meant to do just that. 🙂

You sat back at your table, somehow making it extremely unfair for me to be at a different one. I fidgeted with my book, all along fighting the urge to look up. Finally, I stood up to leave, caffeine ingested and bill paid. Walking out of the cafe was weirdly difficult for some reason. I beckoned at a passing rickshaw, got in and not knowing what to do, I looked at the stash of tissues that I had absent mindedly picked up on my way out. And there they were, 10 digits. 🙂

Just like before – No fairytale bells, no knight in shining armour, no cherry blossoms. No Jacob black, no Augustus Waters, no Quentin Jacobson. But still it was something, probably something a lot more than any words on paper ever proclaimed. We didn’t need a John Green or a Stephenie Meyer or a Cecelia Ahern to write our story, we would write our own, just like all stories are meant to be written.

And that was it. As simple as that. 🙂

The Mirror People

What are we, but mirrors,

Shattered and patched back up time and again.

And in all those times, mistaken,

Mistaken pieces glued back together in vain!

Which piece is mine, which is your’s?

Which is that random person’s that i bumped into today?

Maybe there is, somewhere in me, a piece completely mine,

only surrounded by a stranger’s, if i may say!

You might be a part of so many people more,

so many a part of you for sure.

Unknowingly or with knowing guilt or by mere chance,

you leave a part and take another to be your own.

Each hand you shake, each hello you wave,

Each smile you spread, each heart you stole,

Every tear you caused, every kind word you spoke,

Everything you touch, blossoms, bespoke.

Embrace change, because it’s nothing but you.

Learning over the years, how to be and who!

If it scares you, don’t fret and revert,

If everyone did that, then the whole world would just be stuck!

You can be anyone you want to be, chosen instantly,

because you’re already that inside somewhere.

Just imagine how beautiful it is, how divine,

That you ain’t just you but a million people more!

So be proud of all your pieces, sticking to each other with strength,

you now know that even if you break again, you’ll stand up tall with grace.

Because you’re but a million mirror pieces,

reflecting who has come, who has gone or stayed.

The Epiphany.

Do you know that feeling of Epiphany when you just know that you’ve been alright for awhile now but were too okay to realise it?

Exact same words sent on the office communicator to the best friend, right after it hit me. I had been playing Ed Sheeran’s ‘Photograph’ on loop for almost an hour by then. I caught myself smiling for no particular reason – ‘Long time no see’ kind of a thing recently! I had been needing reasons to be happy, reasons to go out, reasons to crib about life, reasons to talk to people, reasons to avoid some – a whole lot of reasons for a whole lot of things! *sigh* But, it was all alright. Nothing amazing, just calm & okay. 😀

Another conversation with another friend, who writes too, happened today. I asked her if she had written anything new & she said she had been uninspired lately, just a few sentences here & there. We got talking and I confessed to her ( & to you now! :mrgreen:) that I have had an anonymous blog for almost 5 months now where I write about everything that is wrong with my life & just rant about it, writing about feelings & things that I wish were better. Funnily enough, that blog has a 600+ following! People feed off of all the turmoil that other people are going through, maybe because it proves it to them that they aren’t the only ones. But I have run out of material for that blog now! & the blog that I have material for is going nowhere! I find that incredibly funny! 😁

It almost feels like we need tragedy to survive on, to feel connected to someone else. Now that I think about it, you probably bonded with the closest of your friends over something sad. People seem to be less interested in you if you’re generically ‘okay’. You should either be ADHD-level happy or a total train-wreck, nowhere in between is acceptable because that makes you boring. Trust me on that, I have been at both ends and the in-between!

Talking about the ‘Epiphany’ part – no skipping mushy songs, no changing passwords, no lone times, always have plans, too many people to talk to, options wide open! 😉 Life is great & isn’t this how it’s supposed to be? I’m writing, playing my guitar, got my sketchbook out, slaying dubsmash, tennis practice, getting better at bowling, seeing places, making heads turn – doing what I should have been doing all along. And today was the day I realised I was out of the routine daze! *mental hurray* We kind of romanticize sadness – that is not the only feeling you know, but somehow that appeals to people. You set a certain ‘ideal’ behaviour after an event in your head & act it out consciously. You set ‘ideal’ personality traits & act them out. You expect ‘ideal’ interactions with people and all this just complicates the fish out of your life! There are no ‘ideals’, there are just ‘things’ & ‘people’.

It’s okay if you aren’t popular enough, don’t have to be successful at everything you get your hands into, don’t have to make everything work, don’t have to be amazingly awesome – just being okay has a kind of a charm to it. It shows when you’re around people & sometimes it’s just bloody attractive to be comfortable in your own skin. It’s bloody attractive to be vaguely sorted, have clarity in a dazed way, to be comfortable with lone time with just yourself. Because this is when ‘You’ are okay with yourself, other people are left with no other choice than to be okay wit you as well.

I have noticed that it shows in the way people around you react to you, there is a level of comfort when they interact with you. No more stepping-on-glass conversations or handle-with-care treatment and the friendship just becomes more easy and breathable. & Voila! Everyone is happy! Moreover, a lot of people you meet or things you do when you’re anywhere between 16-22 are temporary. I have learnt to breathe easy. 22 isn’t such a big number you know, there is a whole lot of time! & time, amigos, is everything! A whole lot of Ed Sheeran & Taylor Swift & John Meyer
to listen to without cringing and an entire world to walk the length of with ‘Imagine Dragons’ in your ear.

So, be okay. That is all there is. You’re going to pull through anyway, just make sure to do it in style 😉

Meanwhile,
I am gonna write-write-write-write-write it all, just write it all! *obsessing over the supernatural parody of shake it off*

P. S. This post kind of has the feel of a ‘Letter to Self’ but WTH, publish it anyway! 😜

A Scary Little Thing.

Seconds ticking by, washing moments away,
Memories fading, with each minute’s sway.
Who were you then? Who are you now?
Time leaves nothing constant, never being the same & how!

Good times roll, bad times pass,
Happy tunes play, in pretty houses made of glass.
Little girls sing, hop & skip on shiny floor,
Utterly ignorant of what time, for them, has in store!

Like they call it – the calm before the storm,
Before the heat hits you, it’s fakes a soothing warm.
What goes up must always come down,
Must hit the ground hard, like a stupid clumsy clown!

If you’re wondering why I write such tragic stuff,
I just want to ask you, ‘Aren’t you bored of all the fluff?’
Why write about unicorns & apples & girls in pigtails,
When you can play around with words & weave pointless scary tales!

Nothing you read or hear or see,
Nothing is as serious as it appears to be.
Take a look, make a face & laugh it off alright,
Because that is all this poem intends for you to do, published at this ungodly hour of the night. 😜 😉 😁

Four Words.

“What was I thinking?”,
the only four words that resonated each time.
Each time she caught her own reflection,
“That can’t be right!”
Four words again, different yet the same.

Picking up the pieces, stringing all the pearls.
Washing off the mulch, untangling all her curls.
She had watched him walk away, never looking back.
Saying time and again, “I know you’ll be alright.”

She wasn’t looking for a fire, not even a spark.
He had raged a forest blaze, thick smoke & burning bark.
Unleashing demons, engulfing her in a daze,
She hadn’t seen any of this before, she just stood staring with those big brown eyes,
She was in awe, she was amazed.

Just like fireworks, she burnt all bright and pretty,
Little did she know that in the end, she would be nothing but mere ashes – just petty.
She had been just a muse, fulfilling his selfish eccentricities,
Just another one of his beautiful little poems, just another.. Just another!

How the pain seared right through her heart!
Each time she heard those words!
“Just another!”
She didn’t want to block it out though,
She wanted it to hurt, a reminder of a soulless raptor.
She laughed hysterically at the very same words,
Because,
He was also only ‘Just another!’

She had seen them before, she knew she would see them again,
He was a master of his trade, nothing mattered to him, no pain nor gain.
It was just a fetish of his, a greedy choice or maybe just a whim.
She was left with scars that would never heal,
The very same that added character to the woman she was yet to begin.

No more sunshine, sparkles and rainbows,
Years added to her personality, years taken away from her faith.
No more a girl, prancing around to show tunes, harbouring silly notions about love,
A woman who chose her music well, just soul and nothing more.

“I’ll walk away too, no emotions or regrets”, she told herself,
Each step she took, just to look back,
At the little notes, tucked away in a watch box, lying on the shelf.

“What was I thinking?”,
the only four words that resonated each time.
Four words again, different yet the same.