The Epiphany.

Do you know that feeling of Epiphany when you just know that you’ve been alright for awhile now but were too okay to realise it?

Exact same words sent on the office communicator to the best friend, right after it hit me. I had been playing Ed Sheeran’s ‘Photograph’ on loop for almost an hour by then. I caught myself smiling for no particular reason – ‘Long time no see’ kind of a thing recently! I had been needing reasons to be happy, reasons to go out, reasons to crib about life, reasons to talk to people, reasons to avoid some – a whole lot of reasons for a whole lot of things! *sigh* But, it was all alright. Nothing amazing, just calm & okay. 😀

Another conversation with another friend, who writes too, happened today. I asked her if she had written anything new & she said she had been uninspired lately, just a few sentences here & there. We got talking and I confessed to her ( & to you now! :mrgreen:) that I have had an anonymous blog for almost 5 months now where I write about everything that is wrong with my life & just rant about it, writing about feelings & things that I wish were better. Funnily enough, that blog has a 600+ following! People feed off of all the turmoil that other people are going through, maybe because it proves it to them that they aren’t the only ones. But I have run out of material for that blog now! & the blog that I have material for is going nowhere! I find that incredibly funny! 😁

It almost feels like we need tragedy to survive on, to feel connected to someone else. Now that I think about it, you probably bonded with the closest of your friends over something sad. People seem to be less interested in you if you’re generically ‘okay’. You should either be ADHD-level happy or a total train-wreck, nowhere in between is acceptable because that makes you boring. Trust me on that, I have been at both ends and the in-between!

Talking about the ‘Epiphany’ part – no skipping mushy songs, no changing passwords, no lone times, always have plans, too many people to talk to, options wide open! 😉 Life is great & isn’t this how it’s supposed to be? I’m writing, playing my guitar, got my sketchbook out, slaying dubsmash, tennis practice, getting better at bowling, seeing places, making heads turn – doing what I should have been doing all along. And today was the day I realised I was out of the routine daze! *mental hurray* We kind of romanticize sadness – that is not the only feeling you know, but somehow that appeals to people. You set a certain ‘ideal’ behaviour after an event in your head & act it out consciously. You set ‘ideal’ personality traits & act them out. You expect ‘ideal’ interactions with people and all this just complicates the fish out of your life! There are no ‘ideals’, there are just ‘things’ & ‘people’.

It’s okay if you aren’t popular enough, don’t have to be successful at everything you get your hands into, don’t have to make everything work, don’t have to be amazingly awesome – just being okay has a kind of a charm to it. It shows when you’re around people & sometimes it’s just bloody attractive to be comfortable in your own skin. It’s bloody attractive to be vaguely sorted, have clarity in a dazed way, to be comfortable with lone time with just yourself. Because this is when ‘You’ are okay with yourself, other people are left with no other choice than to be okay wit you as well.

I have noticed that it shows in the way people around you react to you, there is a level of comfort when they interact with you. No more stepping-on-glass conversations or handle-with-care treatment and the friendship just becomes more easy and breathable. & Voila! Everyone is happy! Moreover, a lot of people you meet or things you do when you’re anywhere between 16-22 are temporary. I have learnt to breathe easy. 22 isn’t such a big number you know, there is a whole lot of time! & time, amigos, is everything! A whole lot of Ed Sheeran & Taylor Swift & John Meyer
to listen to without cringing and an entire world to walk the length of with ‘Imagine Dragons’ in your ear.

So, be okay. That is all there is. You’re going to pull through anyway, just make sure to do it in style 😉

Meanwhile,
I am gonna write-write-write-write-write it all, just write it all! *obsessing over the supernatural parody of shake it off*

P. S. This post kind of has the feel of a ‘Letter to Self’ but WTH, publish it anyway! 😜