This one girl.

I can’t say it was love at first sight, I can’t even say I liked her the moment I met or saw her, because honestly I don’t even remember. I don’t really remember much of our first years together, but I remember being happy, carefree & just curious.

I was with her when she met mumma & papa for the first time, when she took her very first steps, when she tasted food for the very first time. I was with her through all her firsts, but honestly they’re all just hazy memories.

I remember being there when she first started dancing, being there for her very first standing ovation. I watched her write her very first poem, a simple 10 liner about the sun, she was 7 maybe. She made birthday cards for everyone because she loved drawing & colouring stuff. I wish I’d kept some of her work to show her now, every time she doubts herself, just to show her how wonderful she has been.

She bossed people around all through her teens even back in school when she was much younger. They called her the ‘Gang leader’. She loved all the attention, she knew she commanded it with her persona. I watched people failing to ignore her, she just was so out there! Every debate or seminar, every poetry or recitation, every drawing or collage making, every dancing or singing, every election or group task – there she was, always up for anything! Honestly, I personally thought she was extremely overbearing but chose to ignore it because people seemed to be impressed, they liked her, she’d so many friends.

She got her heart broken in high school, her very first heart break. No it wasn’t a boy, it was her best friend. She got defensive, she pushed her out & surrounded herself with even more people. She didn’t want to show people that anyone could hurt her, she wasn’t weak or dependent, also she had an ego. I knew this would be her very first mistake, because this was the worst defense strategy anyone could ever employ but I chose not to push it on her, I let her do her stuff.

The next few years were full of heartbreak, no boys here either, just girls going through their mean phase. She folded into herself each time it happened, I saw her curl up each time. It broke my heart to watch her look so scared, scared of nothing but people. She could handle anything, but people just got to her. I saw her try time & again, put herself out there & pull right back in. She didn’t sing or dance onstage anymore, but she didn’t stop either, she sang to herself, she danced in the shower or when she was alone. She just didn’t want to give people a chance to judge her, since she knew the authenticity of the applause was no more relevant.

The worst mistake I made was to let her out on her own, let her just daze through life pushing everyone away. I let her work her way through all these mazes of adulthood, I thought I should let her be, let her take care of herself & let her learn. I let her deal with her first actual heartbreak, I let her spiral out of control. She was 21, I didn’t realise she was too young to hold it all together. I forgot that people were her weakness, I watched her almost destroy herself. But just when I thought I’d lost her, she’d cling on, desperately wanting to be there irrespective of how or where, she just wanted to be there, just exist.

That’s when I realised she needed me, not as a mere spectator but she needed me to take control. The li’l girl was still there, but she’d faded to a mere reflection of who she used to be. Was it a choice? Maybe. She was over laden with insecurities, helpless & grabbing onto anything in desperation on her way down. Maybe everyone has been there at some point in their lives, but this was hers, as hard as it was, it was her battle to fight.

That’s when I took her hand, pulled her right back up. I took care of her like I’d take care of my own daughter. She needed to be fed, she needed to be dressed well, she needed to travel & see the world, she needed to be shown how pretty she was, how magical her hands were with words, to be appreciated for who she was & not for who she could be for someone else. I only had to draw out a map for her, she was up & about making it a journey. A journey she traced all by herself, each step taken so carefully just for herself. I’m not going to say she went back to being exactly herself because she didn’t, how could she? She grew out of it, she grew beautifully, she grew into someone I’m so proud of today. It took her all her life to be who she is today, her journey isn’t complete but she’s on her way & she knows where she’s going or atleast where she wants to be.

This girl whose metamorphosis I witnessed every second of her life, who I watched get through all of her tears & that of others as well, through all the smiles & laughter, the one who pushed & pulled & grappled with everything that came her way, this girl deserved everything I gave her.. She deserves a lot more & I’m going to do my very best to give her everything she deserves & dreams of..

This girl I’m so in love with right now, is Me – with a capital ‘M’ – because she is important. Don’t ever think, even for a second, that you know her – because you don’t, & sometimes neither do I. She’s the only one who knows her story, her side of it. And one thing I’m sure of, this girl – this is going to be my ‘Happily Ever After’. 😊